Friend or Foe?

Ever feel defensive, stressed or constantly annoyed by a so-called friend? If so, you may have a "frenemy" situation on your hands.

So what exactly is a "frenemy"? It's that friend who always manages to bring you down, the one who never has your best interest at heart, and we're not talking about the occasional bad day here.

As quoted in a WebMD article, Florence Isaacs, author of "Toxic Friends/True Friends" states, "a toxic friendship is unsupportive, draining, unrewarding, stifling, unsatisfying, and often unequal... Toxic friends stress you out, use you, are unreliable, are overly demanding, and don't give anything back."

Dania, 25, had what she now realizes was a toxic friend. "I really thought it was a genuine friendship until the snide remarks and backhanded comments began," she says. "It got to the point where I would have to prepare myself mentally before hanging out with her, but I always felt hesitant about making a big deal over it, so I constantly let it slide."

"Sugar and spice, and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of." It's probably safe to say that a large percentage of women have been socialized to be sweet, caring, emotional, understanding and patient. This can be problematic, though, when it comes to dealing with frenemies. As a result, women may find ways to rationalize the venom friends have shot their way and, oftentimes, lines aren't drawn because they are too worried about causing conflict. In short, too many women end up taking kindness, understanding and patience way too far, usually at their own expense.

According to Lisa*, 34, "I always had a strange feeling about this one friend. I could sense that she didn't really like me very much but I gave her the benefit of the doubt until she blatantly disrespected me in front of my coworkers one day. When I finally mustered the courage to confront her about it, she admitted she never really liked me to begin with. I guess that explains her catty ways. I was initially shocked, but then I realized the signs were there all along and I can only blame myself for ignoring them. "

Breaking up with a female friend can be far more difficult and complicated than breaking up with a boyfriend. We are often made to feel that there is much more at stake when leaving a friend, primarily because we are so used to the notion that men come and go but friends should last a lifetime. Is it time for women to redefine their views on friendship?

And what about men? Not surprisingly, this doesn't seem to be a dilemma they typically face.

Steven, 22, states, "Sometimes, we have to deal with certain people because that is who our best friend is dating, despite the fact that we will never like them. Would I ever willingly forge or maintain a friendship with someone I consider toxic, though? No."

"We don't stress petty stuff the way women do. If I don't like you, I won't deal with you. Simple", says David, 29.

So what should one do about a toxic friend? Unfortunately, all the expert advice in the world may not provide the perfect answer.

"When it comes to friendships, I've noticed after some point, most all-girl relationships wind up turning into 'The Hills'. There are Spencers who break them up, Heidis to make it 'all about themselves', Los to show up from the past to remind you who you are, and unassuming-not-so-bright Audrinas who wind up getting used as pawns. Meanwhile you are LC just trying to stay loyal and figure it out, only to realize too late your life has turned into drama and everybody's watching."

"I've learned to stay away from the frenemies," Sunita adds. "I try and keep friends around. Acquaintances, not so much."

Sunita may have a point there. Now kick that “frenemy” to the curb and go make some real friends.

Claudia Frias/Terra USA